Many people today seem to be carrying their anger and resentment wherever they go, like an overstuffed suitcase. It is baggage that weighs them down and demands considerable attention and energy. This anger related to recent and current events and the resentment it fuels are contributing factors to ever-greater levels of interpersonal conflict and animosity. Even when justified, these challenging emotions can adversely affect us. Anger Anger is a normal, natural emotion. In many situations, it’s a healthy and appropriate emotional reaction. Anger is an emotional response to a real or imagined “wrong” or injustice, but sometimes people get angry simply because things don’t go the way they would like. Anger takes place in the present, when life isn’t going the way we think it should. Most often, anger is a secondary emotion. It can take shape instantly and unconsciously in response to something or someone that evokes feelings of hurt, fear, and/or inadequacy. When most people experience these primary emotions, they feel vulnerable, and their energy and attention are focused inward. For many people, this revealing of vulnerability creates so much distress that the underlying emotions are automatically transformed into anger. Anger serves several defensive purposes:
Resentment Resentment is closely related to anger. Resentments are negative feelings, basically ill will, toward someone or something that emanates from the past. Resentment is the re-experiencing of past injustices — real or perceived — and the old feelings of anger connected to them. Resentments form when people get angry toward a person, institution, or situation, and steadfastly hold on to that anger. Some people hold resentments for many years, refusing to let go of them. Over time, whatever caused the original anger and led to the resentment may be forgotten, while the resentment remains, like a still-smouldering ember left after the flames of a fire die down. The fire no longer rages, but the ember remains hot and at risk of the fire to reignite until it is extinguished. Although of course there are times when anger and resentment are appropriate and justified, often they built on a foundation of distorted belief that others should or must act the way you want them to. If you allow yourself to become angry or resentful whenever situations don’t go the way you prefer, then you are effectively giving control of your feelings to others. There are specific actions you can take to address feelings of anger and resentment in more healthy and helpful ways:
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Everyone feels angry from time to time: it’s a natural emotion. We often feel it in response to difficult situations, such as those that make us feel undervalued or like we have no control. Differences in opinion are also a major cause: voices and tensions usually rise when people fight for their opinion. However, we must know how to properly control anger in ourselves – and others – if we want to work with colleagues effectively. When people express their feelings of frustration or anger in unhealthy, destructive ways, everyone in the workplace suffers. People feel like they’re treading on eggshells, and may become too afraid to say anything that might cause a conflict. This lowers morale, communication, and productivity, and makes people feel unsafe at work. No workplace should be controlled by aggressive employees. If you’re a HR representative or employer, it’s your responsibility to protect your staff from threatening behaviour and keep the workplace running in a constructive, professional way. Dealing with Anger in the Workplace Managing anger requires not only a reactive approach to bad behaviour, but also a proactive one. In other words, to prevent anger from occurring in the first place, your workplace should set a standard regarding people’s behaviour and how the business will handle it. If you manage anger issues properly and nip them in the bud, you’ll maintain a work environment that people know doesn’t tolerate bad behaviour. Furthermore, you’ll help people understand how to react if they do encounter aggressive employees. Here are 10 tips for dealing with anger in the workplace. 1. Build a professional workplace culture. You should encourage positive behaviour and rational problem solving to set a standard for how people should behave at work. To do so, you often need to look at your recruitment process. Focus on hiring people who have a positive attitude to work and interact with others amicably. However, plenty of people who have trouble controlling anger are well-mannered the rest of the time, so this won’t guarantee you eliminate anger problems. 2. Set a good example. Behaviour filters down from people in senior positions and influences others in the group: this is simply human nature. If senior staff let their temper control them, then everyone else in the team will do the same. Composed, respectful leaders show everyone by example what professional behaviour looks like, which motivates people to improve themselves. It also discourages bad behaviour as a whole. People will realise that senior staff don’t share their aggressive approach and will therefore not let them get away with acting up in the workplace. While this may not solve the root of their behavioural issues, it’s at least a first step to minimising issues. 3. Have disciplinary procedures in place. Plenty of workplaces will have staff who are set in their ways and aren’t influenced by good example. That’s why it’s so crucial to have disciplinary procedures in place. You’ll use these to discuss with the person what happened, to document the incident, and to take any necessary action. You need people to know they’ll face consequences if they can’t control their conduct, so they avoid getting angry in the first place. Repercussions also help people re-evaluate themselves and avoid repeating their behaviour in future. 4. Provide training. Staff at all levels need to know how to respond in confrontational situations. This includes dos and don’ts. For example, they should know not to react negatively, particularly physically, to aggressive employees. They should know to instead respond calmly and to report the behaviour to senior staff. Those in senior positions need to understand how to deescalate situations and take swift disciplinary action, so aggressive employees know the business has a zero-tolerance approach. 5. Don’t try to fix the person. Despite your purest intentions, it’s unlikely that you’ll change the person’s behaviour with one or two well-spoken words. Their susceptibility to anger is likely deep-seated and beyond your ability to correct in the short-term. Instead, try and find ways to prevent their behaviour from affecting the work environment, and direct them to professional help when the time is right. 6. Keep records. Whenever any incidents of bad behaviour occur, make a note of it. A track record enables you to apply disciplinary actions much more professionally. During your discussion with the person, you can flag up specifics to explain what led to the disciplinary action, as well as address changes or steps you’ll apply to prevent these specific incidents from happening again. 7. Remember that it’s not personal. People’s anger issues usually stem from deep-seated personality traits, which they developed through numerous past experiences. Anger is their way – albeit an unhealthy one – of dealing with situations that present a challenge to them. Therefore, although it may feel personal while they’re throwing insults your way, they would likely respond just the same if someone else were in your shoes. 8. Prioritise safety. If a person is acting physically aggressive, everyone’s safety comes first. People should know to keep their distance and make sure they can get to an exit without the aggressive person blocking their path. Furthermore, people should avoid adopting any nonverbal behaviours that may be misinterpreted as a threat. For example, pointing fingers or clenching fists. 9. Address the behaviour. When a discussion becomes heated, your priority should temporarily shift away from settling the cause of the disagreement. At this point, there’s rarely a chance for constructive discussion. You should instead focus on diffusing their angry behaviour. Effective ways of doing so include keeping your voice level and calm, asking questions such as “Why are you shouting at me?” and telling them that you can’t continue this discussion until they calm down. You can revisit the issue later. 10. Be empathetic and understanding. When the person eventually calms down, you should resume the discussion and aim to find the root of the problem together. To do this effectively, ask simple and direct questions, be patient and listen, and take responsibility for any mistakes you made. Many people will respond well to an empathetic, understanding approach, and admit to their mistakes too. You can then move past the moment of anger and onto the original problem with a calmer, more reflective mentality. If managing staff with anger issues is challenging in your workplace, and it would be helpful to have stress management and resilience building workshops for the staff, then get in touch with us today Anger can lead to problems with your health. When you experience anger problems, you may not cope well with stress. You may have lower self-esteem and may be more likely to experience drug or alcohol problems. Anger can also have significant effects on your body. It can lead to muscle tension, increased heart rate, and other uncomfortable or unhealthy body responses. People who don’t manage their anger well are more likely to get sick because their bodies aren’t able to fight illness or disease. Poorly managed anger can even lead to heart problems. What can I do about my anger? Anger is a sign you need to take constructive action. Anger is a source of energy to get things done and to solve problems. The goal of learning to manage anger is to minimise the negative consequences of this powerful emotion and maximise the positive ones. Strength lies in composure, not confrontation. There are three main ways to manage anger: 1. Emotions Relaxation: You can’t be relaxed and angry at the same time. Think of anger as your boiling point. If you turn down the temperature, you keep yourself from boiling over. Learning to relax can help lower your daily arousal level. Then, when you’re provoked, you have a much greater distance to travel before you get extremely mad. Humour: It is also difficult to be angry when you’re laughing. It is easy to take life’s annoyances too seriously. Making an effort to see the humour in your frustrations and aggravations can help to combat an automatic angry reaction. 2. Thinking Patterns Manage Your Thoughts: A good way to lower anger is to manage angry thoughts about the situation. Take the following steps:
Empathy: You may feel angry when you think that the other person’s behaviour was intended to hurt you in some way. Often, other people’s behaviour has nothing to do with you personally. It usually reflects how they are coping with things in their own lives. To make empathy work for you, ask yourself: “What does this situation feel like for the other person?” 3. Behaviours Problem-Solving: Anger management is a strategic and calculated confrontation aimed at solving a problem. The trick to managing anger well is to have a problem-solving goal. This means making sure that your response to your angry feelings is directed at solving the problem. Don’t take your feelings out on everyone around you, use them in a directed way to solve the problem. Being Assertive Without Being Aggressive: How you communicate depends on your goals. Your goals (even when angry) may include improving a valued relationship, maintaining your self-respect, solving a problem, making a request, communicating your feelings, showing understanding, and more. Anyone can learn assertive communication skills. Being assertive does not mean behaving aggressively to get your own way. Genuine assertiveness is about respecting yourself, respecting others and learning how to communicate your feelings honestly and with care. You communicate your needs without hurting others. See our list of resources on the next page for more on assertiveness. If managing staff with anger issues is challenging in your workplace, and it would be helpful to have stress management and resilience building workshops for the staff, then get in touch with us today Anger is an emotion that tells you something is wrong. It might show that someone or something has interfered with your goals, gone against you or wronged you in some way. Anger can make you feel like defending yourself, attacking or getting revenge. Everyone feels angry from time to time. How you experience and express your anger may be influenced by many factors, like gender, culture or religion. Anger is not a bad feeling. Some people believe that anger is bad and that they shouldn’t express anger. This is not true! It’s completely normal to feel angry when you feel threatened, but anger sometimes gets the upper hand. As a result, you may do or say things that hurt others. Anger can lead to positive change if you express it in a useful and constructive way. Anger can motivate you to make positive changes in your life. It can push you to solve problems. It can help you stand up for yourself and others. For example, people who feel angry about social injustice may speak out and bring about positive change to the system. On the down side, too much anger is bad for you. Some people who experience frequent and intense anger may avoid expressing their anger. Others may express their anger in unhelpful ways, like yelling or making hurtful comments. When you have a problem with anger, you may judge other people unfairly. You may unfairly blame others for bad events or assume that other people have wronged you on purpose. All of these reactions can lead to problems in family life, relationships, and work. How do I know if my anger is a problem? Anger becomes a problem if it is:
If managing staff with anger issues is challenging in your workplace, and it would be helpful to have stress management and resilience building workshops for the staff, then get in touch with us today |
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