There's no way to cure worry, says Elisha Goldstein. But we can learn to get better at recognising it and gently guiding ourselves back to what matters. We’ve all heard the saying that in life there are ups and down and there is the classic eastern saying that life is filled with 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows. With this there’s the wisdom that all things come and go, but the brain has a funny way of amplifying the sorrows and minimising the joys for good evolutionary reasons. Whenever the brain perceived something as “bad” it starts to worry about it. But often there is no real utility to the worry, it only serves to dig us into a deeper hole and blinds us to the joys that might be waiting around the corner. Here is one of the best cartoons we’ve found that says it like it is: There really is no way to cure worrying, but we can learn to get better and better at recognising it and gently guiding ourselves back to a sense of perspective and what matters.
1. Soften your understanding of worry The utility of worry is to try and anticipate and avoid any potential dangers and to keep us safe. It’s the brain trying to protect us and so worrying certainly has its place and time. But often times worrying only serves to ramp up our nervous system and kick us into an imbalanced place that only leads to more worrying. The brain has good intentions, but it leads us down a destructive vicious cycle. 2. Allow/Accept the feeling Worrying usually arouses the feeling of fear or anxiety. In this mindful step, we’re simply acknowledging that this feeling is here. Calling it out. We want to do the opposite of resist it, because what we resists persists. So instead we practice allowing it to be as it is. Here you are just saying to yourself, “allowing, allowing, allowing.” 3. Feel into it with kindness Now we have the opportunity to deepen our awareness and investigate the feeling. Here you may choose to put your hand on your heart or wherever you feel the sensation in your body. This is one way of signaling to the brain a sense of love or kindness to the feeling which may shift it all by itself. The brain also has to map the sensation of the touch which is inversely correlated with mental rumination, turning the volume down on negative thinking.
4. Expand awareness and wishes to all people Whatever the worrying is about, it’s important you know you’re not alone. Feeling vulnerable is part of the human condition and millions of people struggle with the same source of vulnerability that you experience. But when we’re feeling vulnerable with anxiety the focus is all about us, we need to also impersonalise the experience and get outside of ourselves. You can do this by imagining all the other people who struggle with worrying and wish them all the same intentions that you just wished yourself. For example, May we all feel a sense of safety and security. May we all be free from the fear that keeps us stick in a perpetual cycle of worry. May we all feel that sense of belonging, etc… If you notice, steps one through four spell the acronym SAFE so you can easily remember what it is and what it’s for. As you intentionally practice this over and again, in time you will notice that you start to become less reactive to the worried mind, more compassionate with yourself as worry arises, and even have perspective that this worrying is part of the human condition and you are not alone. If we were able to turn the volume down on worrying in our lives, what would be there instead? For many people, it’s a sense of spaciousness, ease and joy. As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.
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