Throughout September FD Consultants want to highlight the impact of negative thinking, which often gets activated when we are stressed. In this week’s blog we look at a mindfulness approach to letting go of negative thoughts which entails accepting the presence of these thoughts, and, as best you can, simply letting go of them. It is easy to get swept away by our thoughts, especially in the face of strong emotions. We get stuck ruminating and dwelling about the past, filled with guilt or regret. Our minds start racing and we cannot stop worrying about the future and imagining all the things that could go wrong. Or we replay conversations repeatedly in our heads, trying to make sense of them or figure out what we could have said differently. When our minds get going like this, not only is it exhausting; these patterns of thinking tend to make us feel bad, intensifying the emotions we are already feeling and generating additional negative emotions as well. Because this experience is so unpleasant, it is natural to want these thoughts to stop, and to be able to prevent yourself from even having them in the first place. We often wind up trying to make these thoughts go away and shut them out completely. But just like we cannot control our emotions or suppress our emotions, neither can we control or suppress our thoughts. So, what can we do when our thoughts start racing, we get stuck ruminating, or we just cannot quiet down our minds? One way of approaching negative and disruptive thinking is to examine our thoughts and see if there are some alternative ways of thinking about the situation. One approach is to bring mindfulness to our thoughts and learn how to just let go of them. “We do not need to fight with thoughts or struggle against them or judge them. Rather, we can simply choose not to follow the thoughts once we are aware that they have arisen,” write Zindel Segal, Mark Williams, John D. Teasdale and Jon Kabatt-Zinn in their book The Mindful Way Through Depression, about the Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) approach to depression. Mindfully letting go of thoughts is something we learn to do when we meditate. Many people think meditation involves having a blank mind completely void of any thoughts. However, in mindfulness meditation, the idea is not to shut out thoughts altogether, but simply to not allow yourself to get carried away by your thoughts. In mindfulness meditation of the breath, for example, we bring our attention to our breath, and try, as best we can, to keep our attention focused on our breath. Despite our intentions, our mind inevitably does wander from the breath, and we start thinking. For a guided meditation please click here When this happens, we simply acknowledge that our attention has wandered to our thoughts, and then let go of those thoughts and return our attention to our breath. And when our mind wanders again and we start thinking about something else, once again we acknowledge our thoughts, let go of them, and return our attention to our breath. Just as we learn to repeatedly let go of our thoughts and return our attention to our breath when we meditate, we can do the same thing as we go about our everyday life. When we practice letting go of thoughts in everyday life, we don’t always need to return our attention to the breath (though taking a breathing time out or returning to the breath for a few moments is always a great way to relieve stress). Instead, we can let go of a thought and return our attention to the work we were doing, or the book we were reading, or the person we were talking to, or whatever else we were doing when our thoughts began to steal our attention. Another way we can let go of a thought is to refocus our attention from our thoughts to our senses: the taste of the food we’re eating, the sound of the music we’re listening to; the sights around us; or the sensations of our feet striking the ground as we walk. Letting go of thoughts is as simple as acknowledging that our mind is off thinking about something other than the present moment, and then allowing that thought to pass out of our mind as we return our attention to whatever it is we are doing and whatever is going on in the present. For organisations looking for employee psychological support, FD Consultants are the trauma specialists and well-being service who will best deliver a reliable, quick, and bespoke support system in the workplace. FD Consultant’s team of accredited specialists will offer ongoing support to help manage stress, prevent burnout and provide specialist trauma care where required, enabling your staff with the tools to cope, and recover more quickly. Please do contact us at [email protected] if you require our psychological support services, either as an individual or organisation.
0 Comments
“There is always positive that comes from adversity, if we stand still long enough to hear it” (Fiona Dunkley) “We sit with people in their darkness, holding the light of hope to guide them to recovery” (Fiona Dunkley) At FD Consultants, this month, we have written about the strength in connecting to a community and the healing power of offering ‘Acts of Kindness’. I felt it was fitting to end the month sharing a poem written by W. H. Davies, published in 1911. ‘Leisure’ is a poem to encourage humanity to slow down, feel gratitude for the smaller things in life, connect to nature and appreciate the beauty freely available all around us.
Leisure What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare. No time to stand beneath the boughs And stare as long as sheep or cows. No time to see, when woods we pass, Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass. No time to see, in broad daylight, Streams full of stars, like skies at night. No time to turn at Beauty's glance, And watch her feet, how they can dance. No time to wait till her mouth can Enrich that smile her eyes began. A poor life this if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare. (W. H. Davies) For organisations looking for employee psychological support, FD Consultants are the trauma specialists and well-being service who will best deliver a reliable, quick, and bespoke support system in the workplace. FD Consultant’s team of accredited specialists will offer ongoing support to help manage stress, prevent burnout and provide specialist trauma care where required, enabling your staff with the tools to cope, and recover more quickly. Get in touch today Having three sisters that are all teachers I hear a great deal about what is occurring in schools. All around the world schools are trying to get back to some normality, with various levels of success. My community carried out a project asking children what they will miss when the ‘coronavirus period’ ends. “Being with family and doing things as a whole family” “Cycling, walks and having shared meals” “Free time and lie ins” “Spending time being more creative” “More time to do drawing, playing games, baking cakes” Acknowledging the hardships many of us are experiencing through the Coronavirus period, (and at FD Consultants, our focus is to support anyone who is struggling psychologically), in this article we have decided to focus on the positive lessons Coronavirus has taught us as individuals and organisations. Creativity – I continue to be amazed at the creative ideas that have sprung up since Lockdown. At FD Consultants we facilitate a ‘Stress Management and Resilience Building’ workshop for organisations and individuals. We help participants to create a wellbeing plan referring to the RESPECT model of Resilience (Dunkley, 2018). Creativity is one of the factors we discuss to increase our resilience levels. The part of the brain that is activated when we are creative reduces the body’s stress response. As our social interactions have had to change dramatically people have tuned into online theatre, orchestra, and musical performances. People are learning instruments, languages, improving DIY or gardening skills. Individuals in our workshops have shared their resources such as, writing, photography, painting, sewing, cooking, dance off videos, and growing fruit and vegetables. Organisations are thinking creatively about how to stay productive in these unprecedented times. See if there is one thing you can include in your wellbeing plan that is a creative activity. Patience – I was walking down my high street last week reading over and again the signs in the shop windows, ‘closed until further notice’, often followed by messages of hope and pictures of rainbows. During the 2011 London riots I was living in west London. I remember carrying my bike down one road as it was littered with shards of glass from smashed shop windows. As I felt tears well up in my eyes, I read a sign on a boarded-up shop window, ‘We will be back, stronger and better’. I have kept a photo of that message and refer to it every time I need a boost of reassurance. It teaches me patience. We are a world that is operating at great speed, with a ferocious appetite for reduced cost and quick fixes, habitually throwing quality to the wind. Coronavirus has forced us to slow down, press the brake pedal and take a deep breath. I have witnessed clients arrive in my counselling room stating that they feel they haven’t breathed properly for years. I have experienced participants attending our workshops rushing from one meeting, and as soon as the workshop finishes, rushing to another. Where is the pause button? If you don’t have one, create one, give yourself permission to book in pause moments between meetings, take some deep breaths, and experience the healing power of good quality breathing. Staying connected – I am logging into family get togethers and social nights with friends via Zoom. I have family all over the world, but we haven’t connected on this level before, and perhaps this is something we will continue to do after this period. My social nights have included, pampering nights (group of girlfriends wearing facemasks), wine tasting, sharing music, silly performances (trying to teach my puppy to jump through a Hola hoop - unsuccessful as yet!), and face painting, to name a few. My street has setup a WhatsApp group, and I now feel a sense of community that I hadn’t felt before. Social connections are another factor we discuss in our RESPECT resilience model (Dunkley, 2018). As a therapist I am most concerned about an individual who is becoming isolated. Watch out for your local neighbours, colleagues, or friends who may be disconnecting. Acts of Kindness – This month at FD Consultants we are focusing on Acts of Kindness and sharing some of the projects we have been involved in since the Coronavirus period began. Research shows that ‘kindness’ is good for us. It gives us a sense of purpose, increases our empathy and self-worth. Some research has even suggested it keeps us young and reduces our stress levels. Kindness stimulates the production of serotonin, endorphin and oxytocin, our feel-good hormones. It heightens feelings of compassion, consideration and warmth. Some of the acts of kindness we have witnessed over the last few months include, care packages to the vulnerable, donating produce to food banks, knitting hearts and rainbows for the NHS, and promoting small local businesses. Kindness also relates to being kind to ourselves. There is a mindfulness exercise you can download on our website to practice self-compassion called ‘compassionate mindfulness’. If you wish to practice it use the following link: https://tinyurl.com/yabvvsue Flexible Working – Many organisations didn’t believe working from home would be productive. In some circumstances the Coronavirus period has proved otherwise. A great deal of work has been successfully adapted to online and remote home working for staff. Another benefit of working from home is the reduction in travel time to work and, for some, more flexibility to juggle childcare with workload. As organisations plan to return to the workplace and develop risk assessments, flexible working may become part of the new normal. As individuals we have all had to learn to adapt and become more flexible, in our work and home lives. Continue to build on these skills as research states that one of the virtues of resilience is being adaptable. Open Leadership – As therapists we have been challenged in a way that we have never been before, we are living and breathing the crisis that we are supporting our clients with. This has led us to share more of how we are personally impacted, with an attitude that we are all in this together. At FD Consultants we offer consultancy to leadership and senior management teams. We have found good leadership refers to, not just emotional intelligence, but being able to translate ‘emotion as intelligence’ (Dunkley, 2018). This means listening to the emotional voice of staff within an organisation and having the skills to translate this into intelligence about the work and the organisational culture. Additionally, good management includes relational skills and being able to share something of ourselves. As Brene Brown states in her video ‘sympathy verses empathy’, to be truly empathic we need to connect to a similar feeling within ourselves to connect with the other; empathy “is feeling with people”. This type of leadership is built on strength rather than power and creates a more resilient workforce. Appreciation – At this time, displays of gratitude for key workers has been unparalleled. Gratitude improves our wellbeing, empathy for others, creates a sense of community (we are all in this together), and increases our resilience. Many people have stated how much their appreciation for the smaller things in life has improved, including, a smile, being in nature, and the beauty of our environment. Note down all the smaller things in life that you have learnt to appreciate over the last few months. For organisations looking for employee psychological support, FD Consultants are the trauma specialists and well-being service who will best deliver a reliable, quick, and bespoke support system in the workplace. FD Consultant’s team of accredited specialists will offer ongoing support to help manage stress, prevent burnout and provide specialist trauma care where required, enabling your staff with the tools to cope, and recover more quickly. Get in touch today Many people today seem to be carrying their anger and resentment wherever they go, like an overstuffed suitcase. It is baggage that weighs them down and demands considerable attention and energy. This anger related to recent and current events and the resentment it fuels are contributing factors to ever-greater levels of interpersonal conflict and animosity. Even when justified, these challenging emotions can adversely affect us. Anger Anger is a normal, natural emotion. In many situations, it’s a healthy and appropriate emotional reaction. Anger is an emotional response to a real or imagined “wrong” or injustice, but sometimes people get angry simply because things don’t go the way they would like. Anger takes place in the present, when life isn’t going the way we think it should. Most often, anger is a secondary emotion. It can take shape instantly and unconsciously in response to something or someone that evokes feelings of hurt, fear, and/or inadequacy. When most people experience these primary emotions, they feel vulnerable, and their energy and attention are focused inward. For many people, this revealing of vulnerability creates so much distress that the underlying emotions are automatically transformed into anger. Anger serves several defensive purposes:
Resentment Resentment is closely related to anger. Resentments are negative feelings, basically ill will, toward someone or something that emanates from the past. Resentment is the re-experiencing of past injustices — real or perceived — and the old feelings of anger connected to them. Resentments form when people get angry toward a person, institution, or situation, and steadfastly hold on to that anger. Some people hold resentments for many years, refusing to let go of them. Over time, whatever caused the original anger and led to the resentment may be forgotten, while the resentment remains, like a still-smouldering ember left after the flames of a fire die down. The fire no longer rages, but the ember remains hot and at risk of the fire to reignite until it is extinguished. Although of course there are times when anger and resentment are appropriate and justified, often they built on a foundation of distorted belief that others should or must act the way you want them to. If you allow yourself to become angry or resentful whenever situations don’t go the way you prefer, then you are effectively giving control of your feelings to others. There are specific actions you can take to address feelings of anger and resentment in more healthy and helpful ways:
The following steps have been researched and developed by the New Economics Foundation. Let us know us what you think about them and how you look after your wellbeing on Facebook.
Connect There is strong evidence that indicates that feeling close to, and valued by, other people is a fundamental human need and one that contributes to functioning well in the world. It’s clear that social relationships are critical for promoting wellbeing and for acting as a buffer against mental ill health for people of all ages. With this in mind, try to do something different today and make a connection.
Be active Regular physical activity is associated with lower rates of depression and anxiety across all age groups. Exercise is essential for slowing age-related cognitive decline and for promoting well-being. But it doesn’t need to be particularly intense for you to feel good - slower-paced activities, such as walking, can have the benefit of encouraging social interactions as well providing some level of exercise. Today, why not get physical? Here are a few ideas:
Take notice Reminding yourself to ‘take notice’ can strengthen and broaden awareness. Studies have shown that being aware of what is taking place in the present directly enhances your well-being and savouring ‘the moment’ can help to reaffirm your life priorities. Heightened awareness also enhances your self-understanding and allows you to make positive choices based on your own values and motivations. Take some time to enjoy the moment and the environment around you. Here are a few ideas:
Learn Continued learning through life enhances self-esteem and encourages social interaction and a more active life. Anecdotal evidence suggests that the opportunity to engage in work or educational activities particularly helps to lift older people out of depression. The practice of setting goals, which is related to adult learning in particular, has been strongly associated with higher levels of wellbeing. Why not learn something new today? Here are a few more ideas:
Give Participation in social and community life has attracted a lot of attention in the field of wellbeing research. Individuals who report a greater interest in helping others are more likely to rate themselves as happy. Research into actions for promoting happiness has shown that committing an act of kindness once a week over a six-week period is associated with an increase in wellbeing. |
CONTACTArchives
April 2022
Categories
All
|