"We can be surrounded by many people and still feel lonely." What is loneliness? It doesn’t necessarily mean we are alone. It is a sense of feeling alone. As the quote states you can feel lonely surrounded by many people. Being in the same room as people isn’t the same as feeling connected. In fact, it can often make us feel more alone if we don’t feel connected to the people around us. Most of us will go through stages in our life where we feel lonely. Feeling vulnerable and lonely is part of the human condition. Even though the world is now more connected than ever before, people are feeling increased loneliness. In fact, the trend to communicate via social media can magnify our feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem, ‘I’m not getting enough likes on my posts’, ‘I’m not having as much fun as they are.’ Loneliness can be caused by depression, social anxiety or it can activate ‘childhood abandonment issues.’ All of these conditions can lead us to feel ‘not good enough’, ‘not liked enough’, and ‘that there is something wrong with us.’ It is often stated that staying socially connected is one of the main factors of maintaining our resilience, but we all have times where we actually want to spend time alone and may feel socially exhausted. Especially after a busy period of socialising. I often hear that one of the main factors of stress for staff in organisations is feeling ‘not being heard or listened to’. We all want to be understood, and have our concerns taken seriously. Being understood takes connection that requires time and commitment from others. In a highly stressed organisation time is precious and not often provided in the way that is necessary for staff to feel heard. Feeling understood helps us to feel more connected, supported and less isolated. Often confronting loneliness means confronting ourselves, as loneliness comes from a sense of low self-worth. If we are socialising and continue to feel lonely, this would suggest that the loneliness isn’t based on the fact we are alone, but it is based on how we perceive ourselves. Loneliness can affect all of us, from the extrovert through to the introvert. Some people will try to guise their loneliness by being out all the time or partying hard, sometimes resulting in taking drugs or drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, to drown out the feelings of loneliness. The ‘life and soul of the party’ may be creating constant noise around them to drown out the negative berating thoughts they have about themselves. Additionally, some people have a fear of being alone, as they are left with these berating thoughts and the uncomfortable feelings that come up to the surface. Therefore, being constantly busy can be a way of avoiding being alone. People may remove themselves from social settings because they are going through a tough time and don’t know how to talk about it. Has something happened to cause you a great deal of stress? Some people who have experienced a traumatic incident often describe feeling disconnected, as if the world is going on around them and they are just onlookers. Another contributing factor of loneliness is moving to a new area, going through a divorce, or suffering from the death of someone close to us. For others, the people they expect to be there for them aren’t, and this can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, ‘if my own family won’t make time for me, then who will?’ We might find that we are trying to connect to people that won’t be there for us, instead of noticing and spending time with those that are there for us, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, by convincing ourselves that there is something wrong with us. Feeling isolated and lonely can lead to more serious self-harming behaviours and thoughts. Watch out for anyone who is becoming disconnected or isn’t showing up at social events. Check-in with them and signpost them to professional services if they are really struggling. Signs of loneliness:
The best way to deal with uncomfortable feelings is to stop and listen to them. What are they informing me? What advice would they want to give me? Why are they here right now? 10 ways to manage feelings of loneliness:
Connectedness makes our lives more interesting and is vital for our survival, at the same time we need to give ourselves permission to stop, spend time alone, reflect and prioritise our own self-care. Often when we come out of a period of loneliness, we have a renewed energy to connect to others, so be kind to yourself and reassure yourself this will pass. Reframe being alone as a period of rejuvenation and reflection, so you can turn the fear of being alone into a period of transition and empowerment. For organisations looking for employee psychological support, FD Consultants are the trauma specialists and well-being service who will best deliver a reliable, quick, and bespoke support system in the workplace. FD Consultant’s team of accredited specialists will offer ongoing support to help manage stress, prevent burnout and provide specialist trauma care where required, enabling your staff with the tools to cope, and recover more quickly.
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