It can be hard to know how to talk to someone who has been bereaved - even if they are a close colleague or friend. We often worry about 'saying the wrong thing' or upsetting that person by reminding them of their loss. However, if they are living with their experience of bereavement every day, it is unlikely that we will be raising anything they have not already been thinking about. When it appears that someone may have been bereaved by suicide, things can feel even harder. Suicide and mental health are still issues that can be stigmatised and misunderstood. Someone bereaved by suicide may therefore avoid talking openly about their loss for fear of judgement or exposure to insensitive comments. Yet having their loss, and its particular nature, overlooked by others can also be painful. Suicide has a wide 'ripple effect' making it important to bear in mind that many people can be affected by a suicide - even those who did not know, or were not particularly close, to the person who died. They may have witnessed the suicide or found the person who took their own life. It may also be that the particular details of a suicide evoke a strong response in an individual for personal reasons - for example, if they, or anyone they are close to, could be seen to have something in common with the person who died. If someone close to you has been bereaved or affected by suicide, it may be helpful to start off by considering what might make their loss or experience feel different, and then to hold certain things in mind when speaking to that person and to others. This fact sheet provides relevant information, and also details of where those bereaved or affected by suicide can access further support. Why Bereavement By Suicide Is Different Whilst any bereavement can be painful and complex, there are several factors concerning bereavement by suicide that make it a unique and particularly challenging kind of loss.
Information About Suicide Considering the following information may help you to reach out to someone who has been impacted by suicide with sensitivity and understanding.
How To Help People tend to grieve and respond to difficult life events in very different ways. Therefore, if someone you know has been affected by suicide, their thoughts, feelings and behaviours may vary or change over time as part of their own individual reaction. Here are some ways in which you may be able to help.
Counselling & Further Professional Support It's very normal for anyone bereaved or affected by suicide to experience a wide range of sometimes conflicting emotions in the days and weeks that follow - also for them to perhaps notice disturbances to their sleep, appetite, energy levels and general outlook on life. In the very early stages it will usually be best for a person to make use of their existing support networks, taking care to look after themselves physically as best they can and returning to work and other activities gradually and in a way that feels manageable. However, sometimes counselling or further professional support may play an important part in their recovery and ability to move forward in life.
Resources
0 Comments
In my last blog entry ('Am I Worth It?') I wrote about the importance of individual staff in the international aid, charity and public sectors seeking support in times of difficulty. I also promoted the practice of them being more routinely encouraged to review their psychological health and overall well-being. In this particular entry I want to shift the focus to organisations as wholes - emphasising how beneficial training, awareness-raising and general preparedness for dealing with staff-care issues can be. By this, I do not just mean senior managers and HR, but also employees working at all levels, whose responses to their colleagues and peers can count for a lot when crises and challenges arise. FD Consultants are often called in to support staff in the wake of a difficult event. This can be something as broad in scope and large in scale as a major terrorist attack, or something like the death of a staff member at work, which, whilst much smaller in reach, can be no less de-stabilizing. It tends to be that we, as FD Consultants, are seen as the 'experts' with special tools and skills to step into the aftermath of frightening or upsetting situations and leave those affected feeling calmer and more secure. In many respects, our trainings and amassed experience as counsellors and trauma specialists stand us in good stead for this. We can help identify people's needs after a difficult event and either provide, or guide them, towards appropriate support. However, when contacted in such situations, FD Consultants will often advise organisations to hold back, bide their time, and consider what they themselves might be able to do, to address a situation where staff-care is a key concern. After all, it's peoples' colleagues - known to them and with familiar faces - who are likely to be the first to notice or respond to anything that affects their ability to feel focused, safe and well at work. For this reason, there's a strong case for teaching workforces how to do this sensitively and effectively before bringing the specialists in. FD Consultants offer a range of established and bespoke training courses which promote their aim of 'caring for the carers' by showing staff how they can start to do this within their own teams and organisations.
If your organisation needs any support or help with the topics covered in this blog please do get in touch with us today. We can offer tailored training programmes to suit your business needs so that you can be safe in the knowledge that your staff are equipped to cope in tough situations. Felicity Runchman MBACP (Accred), MA Counselling & Psychotherapy We all respond to crisis in different ways. Some may respond with a strong emotional reaction, while others may feel detached, some with anger or sadness. Response to crisis is as varied as each of our personalities, yet most of us will usually feel quite disoriented in facing new realities and the need to make adjustments. Take a look through the common reactions after a traumatic event and keep tabs on changes you are experiencing. These are normal reactions, and will vary from person to person, event to event. However, if these symptoms persist and are having a negative impact on your life one month after the event, we recommend getting professional help.
There is no “right” way of responding in the aftermath of crisis. There are however, choices you can make to reduce the negative impact in the long run. Here are a few ideas for you to consider as you and your colleagues, friends and families move forward:
Ask for help. You may or may not feel the need for help. We recommend that you reach out to a trusted friend or a professional either way. Seeking help may mean that you overcome pride or scepticism for the sake of self-care. Processing the event mitigates the potential for delayed and cumulative effects of trauma and is a necessity in many humanitarian roles. If trauma symptoms persist for longer than one month, it’s time to get help. Connect. Relationships have proven time and again to be the most significant protective factor during crisis—and in life in general. You may have an impulse to withdrawal - this is an impulse to resist. Be intentional about connecting. Self-compassion. As noted, we all respond differently to trauma. Accept the way that you have responded and be kind to yourself. You may need to lower personal expectations, or decide not to fight the emotions inside you. Routine. Put one foot in front of the other. Begin establishing a new routine with familiar tasks. Are there ways in which you can simply “show-up” in providing some structure in your day. Move. Do something that gets you sweating and breathing. Aerobic exercise makes our brains release endorphins that can lighten your mood and give you fresh perspective. It has the ability to turn the body’s stress reaction down, making it possible to become more relaxed. Whether it’s yoga, running, walking, football, etc…give yourself the gift of exercise. Be aware of the quick fixes. Life after trauma is hard and it’s understandable that you may have needed some quick fixes e.g. alcohol, drugs, overworking etc. They may have served their purpose, but be mindful that their long term impact goes against your holistic wellbeing. We turn to quick fixes, often unconsciously, because facing the thoughts and feelings of loss and grief can be overwhelming. Most of us have our “go-to” tactics for escaping. These habits become exceedingly dangerous when they become normal and, in effect, prevent us from accepting reality and moving forward. By Megan Nobert The gap in thorough, balanced, and professional books on the mental health of aid workers is vast. Almost nothing exists in this space. This is not reflective of a lack of necessity for this information though. Quite the contrary, conversations and resources to address the problem of mental health in the aid world are absolutely necessary. As Fiona notes in the beginning of her book, aid work is inherently stressful and traumatizing. To see and experience suffering will never be without impact. Although the book explores some of the most traumatic events an aid worker can experience – being shot at, kidnapped, and raped – this is not at the expense of recognizing the small traumas of aid work. Burnout, accumulated vicarious trauma, and the slid off suffering onto family and friends are not unimportant. Quite the contrary, in the same way that a sudden attack can shock one’s mental health, the slow descent of smaller traumas can be as deadly. The details on available options provided for aid workers experiencing breakdowns in their mental health are concrete and concise. However, the book doesn’t sacrifice accessibility for the academic and professional information, a difficult balance to maintain. Ranging from various forms of trauma counselling to self-care, it presents options for how an individual can recover himself or herself. Mental health is not one-size only, which is made beautifully clear in Fiona’s presentation of different methods for treating mental health issues. What perhaps makes this book not only vital, but astounding, though is the openness in Fiona’s writing. She doesn’t just present the problems of other people, but also her own struggles over the years. She comes from a place of vulnerability and honesty, creating trust in a manner that other versions of a similar text would never reach. She speaks to the deepest parts of our experience, and the professional advice she then gives is all the more poignant for it. We need more conversations like this on mental health in the aid world. This compact book is the first step towards properly addressing a long too abandoned problem. Get your copy of the book today from Amazon. Megan Nobert is the Founder and former Director of Report the Abuse, the first NGO created to address sexual violence against aid workers. As a survivor herself, she has worked to break barriers to reporting, shame, and stigma around the issue. As mentioned last week, the BBC World News programme discussed the topic of mental health for aid workers. I was asked to provide statistics to support the segment, which were taken from research in my book. The below figures highlight the need for organisations to implement a good trauma management programme and best practice psychosocial support:
Programme guest Michael Bociurkiw, a global affairs analyst, agrees that these statistics are shocking in themselves and that organisations are not doing enough to support their staff on the front line. There are more conflicts happening and people jump from one placement to another without any time off, compounding already overworked and stressed staff. Donors need to press organisations to support staff, giving them enough funds so people can have time off to recuperate and get access to much-needed counselling. Watch the full interview below. |
CONTACTArchives
April 2022
Categories
All
|